


falling for somebody new

by txmaki



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Bad Ending, Asra (The Arcana) Route Spoilers, F/M, M/M, Multi, Not Good, Ouch, Sad, Unrequited Love, it aint fun, this shit hurts lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-19 22:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19365460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/txmaki/pseuds/txmaki
Summary: 'i'd follow you through anything,' he thinks. 'even if you wouldn't do the same.'aka: asra still loves you, but you don't remember.





	falling for somebody new

**Author's Note:**

> so this is based on the idea that no matter what route you take, the apprentice's like "backstory" (before they died/lucio "died") is the same. idk if that's actually canon or not but ykno... in asra's route, we find out that the apprentice and asra were lovers even before they died, and that the apprentice doesn't remember any of it.

You scoff, smiling up at Julian and then rolling your eyes playfully. You’re only half-listening to his exaggerated story of how he beat up at least a dozen thieves all on his own. You pretend to know, shoving him away with a teasing smile and telling him to get some work done, but the way you look at him as he winks and walks away says it all. Hearts surround your head when you look at Julian. You shake your head, getting back to making whatever elixir you're conjuring.

Asra sees it all.

He’d be lying if he said it didn’t bother him. He tries not to let it - he knows you’re happy; if it isn’t evident in how you look at Ilya, it is in the way you come home some nights, dreamy smile on your face as you look as Asra and tell him all about your date. He smiles, adding a sly comment now and then, forcefully detached. You don’t even seem to notice, too focused on your heart fluttering. Asra doesn’t blame you. He never finds it in himself to do so.

But _oh_ , if it didn’t hurt like hell.

He knows you don’t remember. Not really, only bits and pieces, none having to do with him. But Asra _does_ , he remembers too well - romantic nights spent with wine and slow music, lazy mornings under sheets and sun. He remembers your kiss, searing against his mouth or gentle like a river. If he tries hard enough he can remember how your body felt against his, the sound of praise coming through your bruised lips as he unraveled you in all the right ways.

On the bad nights, spent writhing in sheets and in a cold sweat, Asra remembers the Lazaret. He remembers the smell of ash and the way it burned his eyes and lungs. He’s looking for you, frantically wandering through the only building there, although he already knows what happened. He remembers digging - everywhere, _anywhere_ , pushing ash away from the soil and sand in a desperate attempt to find you. His fingers are bleeding. His lungs are burning. His vision is blurred - from the stagnant ash or tears, he doesn’t know. He’s covered in soil. You’re dead, you’re _gone_ , and he can’t even find you under the dirt. All he can find is charred bone.

“Do you love him?” Asra had asked once, as if he didn’t already know. The two of you were sitting on the grass, under the stars. “Ilya?”

You had stammered for a moment, trying to find the right words. Asra looked at you from his place beside you, teasing smile on his face, and you seemed to have gathered your thoughts.

“Yeah,” is all you’d said, tracing the constellations above with your eyes. Asra was quiet after that. He didn’t have anything else to say; nothing that wouldn’t be confessing his love and telling you that you should still love _him_ , because the two of you were lovers, _meant to be_ , everyone had said -

When Lucio had come to Asra with the idea of a ritual, he’d been skeptical. It was Lucio, someone he didn’t trust at all. Then again, it was _you_ , the love of his life, and he’d gladly give up anything in order for you to be with him again. A piece of his heart was nothing compared to the pain of losing you and being too late.

He’s thought of telling you. Explaining to you that you weren’t just Julian’s apprentice before you died, that you were Asra’s love, his light. Although the smile on your face when Ilya dramatizes a story or when he kisses your cheek goodbye is something that would be gone in an instant if he ever did. It hurt him to know he wasn’t the cause of your smile, but it would hurt him more if you never smiled at all.

“Asra?” Your voice pulls him out of his trance. “Are you okay?”

He blinks up at you, then takes a quick breath. “Just zoning out. What did you say?”

“Julian and I are gonna head to the Rowdy Raven for a drink. Do you wanna come with?”

Asra notices Ilya by the door, and his eyes are trained only on you. What’s left of his heart breaks at the final, true realization that he won’t ever have you back. _I’d follow you through anything,_ he thinks. _Even if you wouldn’t do the same._

“No,” he ends up saying, rolling his eyes at Ilya’s “boo!” that comes from the door. “I’ll stay here, hold up the shop while you two are out. Have fun.”

Your gaze lingers on Asra for a moment before you murmur an “okay” and turn to leave. Before you’re fully out the door, though, you lean back in, worry etched on your features.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” You ask. Asra swallows but manages to nod, offering a tight-lipped smile that you can surely see through but don’t comment on.

“Never been better.”


End file.
